4/25/16

Another week shot in the face.

Monday we went to the funeral for Elmer, it was an awkwardly good time. We hugged old women, and Elder Calaway is still trying to be set up with a mom, because "the plump one" is the one that they like. There was a pastor there who gave a great sermon about love. It began with "This is a celebration of life people! Let's loosen up!" He also said "Though we don't know where we're going after this life..." He told us stories about his sons and members of his congregation and how they all love each other. The message I got was, if you don't feel like you showed Elmer enough love show it now because all you who smoked outside the funeral home will die the same way he did. He talked about Christ a bit. The actual spiritual part was when the old guy in military attire gave Donna a flag and thanked her in the face for Elmer serving the country. The 21 gun salute was enough to make everyone's ears bleed. As previously stated we were to all go up and share something. It didn't happen because the pastor closed the meeting. He was nice to us, or at least pretended to be.

Tuesday we helped Emile out with some trench building. We also got to see bro Henderson. I dominated in Yahtzee in everything except getting an actual Yahtzee so I still lost. Apparently we missed Bernie Sanders walking down the street in State College. I don't understand how Bernie Sanders has any supporters while he still has a confederate flag bumper sticker on the back of his Model T.

Wednesday was district meeting and the biggest joke on earth. Why am I doing this job? Haha, it's awkward to teach people concepts they already know. But that's alright I guess. We powered through and were on our merry way to Bowl, for our Monday was taken. My bowling game has atrophied significantly, though I'm not sure I've ever had unrivaled skill in the sport.

Thursday we tried to OYM and there's never people around, so we go to where people actually are but a significant amount are college students which makes it harder. Service was fun, but also sad. I'm stirring a pot next to a guy named Jan. No I don't know who named him.
I said, Jan you know my name?
Psh yeah I know your name..
Jan. What's my name.
Uhhh..
It was really funny and he felt really bad he didn't know my name. I tested everyone else in that kitchen, who I thought were my friends, and they all failed. But now they all know who I am. *sniff* I'm still a human underneath the tie. *sniff sniff*

Friday we were at out OYMing again and talked to one girl about the church. She's the only person we gave a copy of the Book of Mormon out to but a day when that happens is automatically a good day. We also got her number so we'll see if she reads. But there's also a good chance she's leaving in a week for the summer. Everyone and their dog are moving out of this town for the summer.

Saturday we were digging with Emile again. Sunday by some miracle Ronda came to church. Bro Hileman wasn't even there but she came and I was super happy. There are some songs in the hymn book that need to be retired. "In our lovely Deseret" is a good example of one of them. Our ward happens to be one of those wards who has some lady pick all the songs no one knows. The chorus of this song starts with Hark! Hark! Hark! But to me it quickly sounded like the congregation was shouting Bark! Bark! Bark! This song would be great for when I make "Bring your dog to sacrament meeting" an event, where every species would be able to praise through song. Turns out a few other people saw that stunt and when we went to the classy social club of Empty Nestor's that evening, the guy told everyone what we had done, luckily the lady who picks the songs wasn't there so everyone had a good laugh. Happy birthday to Elder Curtis you piece of work.

It's been a good week.

Limo bus

Elder Curtis: the birthday boy

Trench digging

4/18/16

Well last week I mentioned we visited a guy named Elmer, who had cancer. Well the past tense isn't because the cancer is gone, it's because he's gone. He died, so Curtis, Calaway Smith and I visited Donna the widow. It was a nice visit, Donna had other friends there when we were visiting. The all had to comment on how dashing we look. Easily the most awkward part was Donna trying to set up Elder Calaway with her granddaughter. It was all fun and games until the full gown granddaughter walked in the trailer. Then it got really...Uncomfortable. Also the whole situation is slightly funky because Donna loves to tells us how we were Elmer's boys, and how much he loved and connected with us. But I'll be honest here, we didn't really know the guy too well. I visited him in the hospital once, before our visit last week. That's it. Granted he was a very nice guy. But all four of us are going to speak in his funeral! 4-17-16 is the funeral.

No one was really happy to be there

Well, Wednesday was Zone Training and a Zone Activity to boot. For the activity we played kick ball, ultimate, and capture the flag. While playing kickball I was up to kick, and I knicked it right to the first base. It was an easy roller right to the first baseman so I knew I was out. I ran anyway and as the first baseman tagged me I tried to jump over him, as my right leg hit the bag my weight was put on my knee and my knee went backwards. And then it sprang back and I hit the ground. I hyperextended my knee pretty good there. It hurt pretty decently at first but I just walked it off and ran it off. I took it like a man, didn't complain just kept it moving so it would hurt as bad later. I was shipped off to Altoona and hung out with Elder Richens that evening. I went to their bash on missionaries hour, or as they call it Correlation. I recognize I shouldn't say negative things about areas so I'll just stop there. But positive attitudes can go a long way. The next morning my knee was stiffer than a dead raccoon laying on the side of the road. It was swollen quite a bit and it refused to bend all the way. But the show must go on, and at service Elder Calaway and I cut at least 50 steaks a piece. The less fortunate of State College ate like glutinous kings that night! Elder Curtis finagled with my knee that night and in the morning it was much smaller and can move more than ever! And by the end of the week I don't have any pain.

As you can plainly see, the right knee is larger than the left.

Friday was our best day of the week for sure. Curtis and I didn't have too much planned besides try to talk to people. Before we went to Penn State we talked with 3 people about the Book of Mormon. One was a college girl who probably didn't like religion, next was a very nice lady but was married into Catholicism, and the third was a lady who is a Quaker. So I got to learn about that sect for a while. All three ladies were really kind to us, go figure. At PSU, Curtis and I were the first ones there and the atmosphere was much more chill and inviting then when 8 of us are there. Cool things happened. A guy named Jeff with a nice Nikon chatted with us for a while, he had a lot of questions about being a missionary. I asked him to take pictures of Curtis and I on his sweet contraption and he did. Don't have the pictures to prove it yet though. The next two experiences I do have pictures to prove, one was because a student asked us if she could take a selfie with us. Even without a reason we said yes, but it turns out she has a friend on a mission and she always take pics with missionaries when she sees them. She's also been to Stake Dances and loved them. I don't know how you can go to Stake Dances and enjoy them with out being ridiculously Mormon. The next guy stopped us and said you're Mormon Missionaries?? Yep. Peter is his name and he lived with a host family who has two missionaries out on a mission too. He's been to Temple Square and BYU, he asked us where our church is and all that. We exchanged numbers as a precaution, which was smart because he didn't go to church -yet.

With it being Blue and White game weekend the town was alive as ever. There was a bunch of fundraisers and booths along the Main Street. One was a bank that had a guy on a microphone telling people to win a free prize on their wheel. When he saw us he said, even Mormon Missionaries can spin the prize wheel! It was one of those few moments when you feel like the super hero everyone knows you are in Utah. Oh and let's not forget another time that day where people stopped us, two girls stopped us four on the bustling College Ave and asked about us. They both graduated PSU last year and she never knew Mormons were here. She's from Las Vegas so she went to high school wth a whole slew of us.

Service Saturday was as good as ever. We started to dig a trench with Emile and Nathan, after 5 1/2 hours of digging we weren't even close to being done. My hands were wrecked, they're tenderer than a sirloin. Then there's the sun burns, they though of sun screen didn't even cross my mind. I'm a man, what could the measly sun ever do to me? Well a decent amount it turns out. My arms got a pretty cute, red farmers tan, and the back of my neck got roasted like when Justin Bieber got dropped twenty feet in the air. (YouTube it) The worst part is I wear a collar everyday of my life so I constantly have my tenderized neck rubbed by sandpaper like cottons every time I move my neck. By the way, for all those people out there who don't have necks, it's a lot of rubbing. When I drive I have to move my whole body to look both ways, or just do the preferred option: gun it and hope no ones coming. Either way I have the best posture in town now so I don't get leprosy back there. Sunday was a nice time. Church was pleasant, no Hilemans boot. I enjoyed being with my friends who are all males under 18. We had a fun dinner at the Stimpsons. And afterwards we waited for a ward member to inspect out apartment. Actually it was a pretty boring day. Another week in paradise.

-Super Simmons

I needed shade so a solution was made

Altoona Curve Stadium!

Hanging with the original gangsters of Hollidaysburg

4/11/16

The beginning of this week was pretty awful. Tuesday I took naps during lunch and dinner because it was better to be unconscious than alive that day. Maybe because we had to set a new time for the Hileman's for a later date. But I think the main reason is because I can't seem to get the hang of Yahtzee. I just have been getting dominated lately!

Wednesday was a great change of pace though! We did some service for two old people named Donna and Elmer. Elmer has some fat amounts of cancer. I'll be honest though what made my day was their puppies. Puppies can make anyone's sorrows disappear. In the afternoon we drove out to Petersburg, PA. Which is some middle of no where, rink a dink place. We parked and started to to walk around to find somewhere to start knocking. A painted fence caught my attention, it said Vote for Mike Bolsinger for County Seat. Or something like that. We just kept walking down the road. We got to the end and we decided we'd work our way back. We tried a house and nothing happened. The next house we get to the porch, but first let me describe this place. There's cat shelters and cat food all over the porch, with a cross next to the doorbell. Totally typical Pennsylvania and I was expecting the usual. On answer to ringing the bell a woman opened the door and she matched the house as well. Tank top, a tattoo or two, and some lost teeth. She said, "Oh its you! Come on in!" Wait what?? No, she must think we're the detectives to inspect a dead cat carcass, or something. "You know us?" I asked as I stepped in. "Of course Elders! Mom the Elders are here!" The middle aged woman's mom then hoots, "Oh Elders, why didn't you let me know and we would've had made enough supper for you." As we sat down we started to talk to the son/grandson who just got back from the Navy. At this point I have no idea who these people are, a very prepared household, some former investigators, less actives maybe? I had no clue. That was until I started sleuthing. My mind was blown when I saw a Quad chilling on the counter, and my mouth dropped when I saw the painting of the 2nd Coming that has the DC Temple in it. Alright so we got members! We came to learn later, that though they are in our ward, they go to Huntingdon because it's easier. I'm not even mad. We had a good talk with them, and though baptized the guy doesn't believe in religions. I hope we were able to make an impact on them.

To kill off our day we had Book of Mormon class! The best part was that Kyle came!! 😁 He had a good time, he had a ride from members and they're going to bring him next time as well. So I can't be any happier about it! To get an investigator into the doors of the church is probably the hardest thing for me. Thursday we had interviews with President, he only called me Sister Simmons once so we're on pretty good terms one could say.. We also got a voice mail from a guy named Jeff who wanted to meet with us. Curtis called him back and set up a time with him on Sunday to meet with him. Has another miracle really happened again?? NOPE. Next morning he cancels and never texts us back. So who's the funny guy who got someone to prank us?? Because my hats off to them, also my bird. Lol.

Friday was also decently solid, we were at Penn State where I was invited by some girls in a car to go shopping with them. I respectfully declined. Because I don't have any money to go shopping. But they were determined to hear the gospel of Elder Simmons so they gave me an address to a party that night. Well that's too bad isn't it. We had dinner at the Kendall's where Sisters Ewell and Wadsworth were determined to try the Pure Evil hot stuff that is 9.6 Mil. on the hot stuff scale. A ghost pepper is 500,000. So we were dealing with hot stuff here, and they paid a heavy price for it.

Saturday we got to do some hard labor for 4 hours, while it was snowing, I had a delightful time. We made friends, Emile and Nathan. We dug out a square of dirt 7 inches down to make a gravel/stone road. We hauled at least 30 wheelbarrows of dirt, up the sidewalk and drive way to another mound of earth. After we went to a gas station briefly to grab a Gatorade before we met with our Ward Mission Leader. We sat at a table near a guy who answered a call. He said to the person on the phone, go upstairs and answer the door, it's probably just the Mormons trying to convert me. He caught our attention real quick and we told him, hey we're not at your house, we're right here! It's was really funny, he came to us and apologized, but we obviously weren't offended. He said he recognized us but we didn't recognize him. Apparently he has a BOM at his house. We both left at the same time and Curtis said, Maybe next time it will be the Mormons! He yelled back, I hope it'll be those Mormons! That was cool because the next time missionaries knock on his door, he'll probably let them in with a story to tell them.

Sunday I had a good time at church, the Hileman's came to sacrament meeting then bounced. They said that they've been sick and they sure looked the part. Yikes. But good for them for coming. There's a new couple in the ward and in Elders Quorum he was introducing himself. He does construction management for some projects at Penn State. James asked, Are you the one who's in the crane? Nope, was his response. And of course I blurted, That's Bob the Builder. That was my highlight of church besides swiping ice cream, chocolate sauce, caramel, and hot fudge left over from Priesthood Session.

-Super Simmons

Fat service.

Meals on Wheels service swag

Said Disctrict

4/4/16

Tuesday we had transfers! Which meant I didn't have a car..! But luckily we were at Penn State talking to said peeps. My friend came to me with his BOM, with marked scriptures that he was confused with. But honestly you're probably not reading the book if you're in Alma but can't remember who the Nephites are. This must be what a elementary school teacher feels like when the child signs something as their parents. You think you're sneaky but you're as obvious as the pervert at the playground. He had brought up some concerns, some were a breeze and some I had to think it out and a thought came to my head thanks to the spirit. The easy one was, how did they know Jesus name when in the Old Testament he was only known as The Messiah? Oh because Joseph just wrote it himself! (In Syndergaard's mocking voice) NO, because God can tell his prophets whatever name he wants! The tougher one was the curse of blackness. He looked up online something that said we think the whiter you are the holier, and that black people are cursed. What a load! What got him was when I remembered that when the Lamanites repented and converted, that the curse was lifted. He had no idea what to say. Knowledge is power, and we have a whole lot more knowledge than he does.

Some members took us out to Olive Garden when Elder Smith got here. Our waitress was a very outgoing person and in contrast to the family taking us out. So when she spunkily grated the cheese and told them to " Just say when!" They were thrown into the ever so awkward situation where they had to say " uh uh, that's good..!" I got a kick out of it. Elder smith is a quality individual, I came out with him so you know he's got a good soul.

Wednesday was my first district meeting. #yikes. I successfully used the first 40 minutes to get to know everyone's favorite hobbies, most embarrassing moments, and their Spirit Animals. It was decided I'm a Meerkat, which is a suitable animal. I taught a bit about Charity and Our Purpose, it was aight. I had about 15 minutes left and plenty to talk about still. But then I thought, I'm bored and if I'm bored there's a chance someone else is bored. The only perk of this job is the ability to end meetings early. So that's what I did! It felt good. We had Book of Mormon class with the expectancy of the Hileman's and Kyle coming. Both bailed. 😭 so that was probably a worse let down then that Thursday was meh, well service was fun. I made 5 pans of stuffing and helped cooked 11 turkeys. I also got to learn how to carve a turkey! I carved 3 of them! Mom be proud ok, I'm making great strides here. That was pretty much it. Though beginning of the week was worse than the time I realized America never went to the moon. I've hoped on conference to make it all worth it.

Friday was another memorable day of forums. There were way too many of us in the little square so the sisters, the new ones especially, we're giving out cards to everyone and their dog. I mostly just sat at the pole and complemented people. I met a new friend, one who loves the bible. He believes Revelations 22:19. That says " For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book" Yeah to prophecies of that book, the book of Revelations! He believes it to mean the whole bible because men who put the Bible together put it last. Also that their process of knowing which books should be in it, was through making two groups of people, and whatever books they both chosen would make up the bible. The problem is with these Bible only people is that they don't see the big picture and they're too ignorant to look outside it.

Saturday was bomb. Conference did pull through, it was as if the clown act I had been performing all week now had the whole circus come to town to back him up. It was legit. It's seems that the main theme has been strengthening families, with different talks to different parts, parents, children, youth, young adults, etc. I severely enjoyed priesthood session. Monson had his guy sitting on the bench ready to catch him, kinda like a OBGYN but for old people on their way out of life.
Here's a few things I got.
Nelson- We were foreordained to be priesthood holders
Stephen Owen- The greatest leaders have always been the greatest followers.
Utchdorf- If you want a good marriage you best have some fat amounts of charity in there. Pride has no place in the priesthood.
Erying- The most important work is within the walls of your own home.
Monson- Be worthy and ready to use the priesthood whenever.
Also if I'm worthy, faithful, and using the power for a selfless cause there isn't a reason that the powers of heaven won't be opened up. Crazy how he didn't go even five minutes. Also the guy sitting on the bench behind him was interesting as well. Sunday was also awesome, the church is a wonderful thing. Have a great week.
-Super Simmons

Alice and Scruffy

Service for days!

5 Guys with the new District