~your source of missionary sasscastic humor~
The treat of Monday was giving a girl some dating advice on the bus. I was across the way from her and her friend. She was telling the whole story of them breaking up, her friend was just nodding and browsing on the tweet machine. I was the real friend whether she knew it or not. Mid way through her atrocious story I commented, "I'm sorry but that would be awful." After a slightly weirded-out look and comment I explained, "You're two feet away from me, I can't not hear this." She agreed and it was all chill. These two ex lovers said, if you want, text me and we can have lunch on Friday as friends. What kind of garbage is this? When her stop came and she got up, I said "Don't go out with him on Friday! Just cut it! Just cut it all off." They laughed and she thanked me for my advice. In the ever wise words from a man named TJ: "Cut it, or cuff it."
Tuesday was intense with the bombings and such. They gonna get a whoppin for messing with Gods army. hah Anyways we went to Penn State. I talked to some nice people. Gave out two cards, yes it was a rough day. And I got flipped off by some guy who whipped out his phone as he passed me, like he had friends or something. Later I thought of a good burn I could've said, but didn't because I represent Jesus here. It was: "Let your mom know I said hi for me." BOOM ROASTED. I love people but it really annoys me when they don't treat me like a human being. Im not a Mormon Dobby who's just waiting for the day to be freed from the church by receiving a tie.
Well on the bus ride back I sat in the front, it was a pretty empty bus. In the front was just me, a few attractive girls, and a guy next to me, passed out. Dead asleep. At a stop where the bus waits a minute, the driver was all worried he was actually dead. Apparently this woman has never seen a sleeping human before, because obviously wasn't dead. She then informed us he had gone around the bus loop six times now! Which is like 2 hours! She was worried that if she woke him up he wake up swinging. Seriously? Just wake the guy up, his whole day is janked over.
So I woke him up.
POKE
Guy: Uh hey what's up dude?
Elder Simmons: Hey man, how are you doing?
Guy noticing everyone is looking at him: Were your guys talking about me, I'm just getting off at the next stop. Bus Driver awkwardly: You've ridden around six times now.
Guy in shock and disbelief: What time is it? ---- 5 o'clock! ----- ------ I'm just going to walk now. --- ---- it! I can't believe this!
Let just put us in his shoes for a minute. Long day at school, 3 o'clock and headed home. Wow this bus is warm and bouncy, like a mother bouncing her baby to sleep... I'm just going to rest my eyes, no one will know with these swag sun glasses on.........
Alright my stop is next, who are these people talking about?..meh can't be me.
POKE
Suddenly nothing in his life is the same. Hours have passed, he's at Penn State not Ohio State, his phone is blown up from his girlfriend freaking out because he missed dinner with her. In fact he's single now. And his grandma is stuck on the roof again, and they can't get her down.
Wednesday nothing entertaining enough happened for me to write about, we worked hard. Thursday was a glorious day. In the early hours we bused and OYMed down on Beaver College. The weather was beautiful, like the patrons... Anyways lets skip ahead because we had a lesson with Juliette and her friend Kyle! I was worried that he was anti or something. I thought, this could either be great or by the end I'll rather drink a pitcher of bug spray with a lemon wedge. To our surprise he was super open and she was as well. We taught them the restoration while sitting on some rocks by a little stream, with ducks next to us. It was as fairytale like as Rumpelstiltskin weaving gold from hay. The scene puts any church made, missionary photo to shame. The best part is they understood the importance of the Book of Mormon, and are going to do something about it. Not much more anyone can ever ask for! We did other stuff but to emphasize the greatness of this lesson I won't bother writing it.
Friday we were at Penn State and I got to talk to a fair amount of people. No takers on said Mormon Bible, but a decent amount of cards. Curtis felt like junk so I was left with quite a few hours to rot in boredom. I realized I can make 3 panel comic out of pictures so I tried my hand at that, also tried to draw but realized I have about as much skill at drawing as a Honey Badger chewing on crayons.
Saturday was the day of change for a lot of people, including myself it turns out. Mid studies our phone sprang to life and my heart sank. After scorning Elder Curtis for not writing him in 3 months, President Johnson asked for me. And I've been called as District Leader. I've kind of been avoiding leadership, and have been doing a good job at it, but my time of reckoning has come. My first act as District Leader is to abolish role plays from existence. *Poof!* that's better. In celebration of Hummer leaving finally, Calaway and Curtis paid for a grande meal at Texas Roadhouse. So it was a pretty solid Saturday.
The mantle has been passed.
Easter Sunday was pretty solid, it didn't feel too differ from a normal day too me. It seems like most holidays as a missionary are like that. Sacrament meeting had a total of 11 songs. I'm all for praising with my pipes but good honk 11 is way too many. We had dinner at the Hileman's place, it's always a hoot with brother Hileman. We went out to grab some containers in our car so we could have left overs. We walked back to their town home, we walked up to the screen door, Curtis opened it from me and I stepped in. I looked up and the room was filled with smoke, there was junk everywhere. A very startled man got our attention and we realized really quickly we did not walk into the right house. We were only one door off and it was quite the trip. Pretty solid Easter I guess.
-Super Simmons
My district
Eating Chinese food.
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